Self-criticism

The hidden danger inside of us....

Emotions appear suddenly and they are changable. Since childhood we rised with the rules and teached us what is bad what is good in everyway, religious, pyholosphies, moral etc… . Also we learned how to define the difference between wrong and right for to be a nice person in social lifes. And in all times we pushed to be happy or act as happy by public's force. We learned how to accept somebody’s evaluations like ours.

I have objections.

All negative emotions are also positive if we aware and accept. if we are able to understand their nature and the real sources. Then they are brighting our way for to be real you. The only one way to understand and solve is awareness and to let them alive while discovering..

Madness, sorrow, envy, fears, anger, stress … all negative emotions, all are beautiful when you discover their sources. All are personal, and belong to us. We created them and only we are able to demoliate. Emotions will become poison when you ignore them and pushed to them to subconscious.

If you could understand that the anger is just a power and transformed energy of a deep wish which has been stopped by somebody. It s appearing when we stopped by somebody. it can be transformed to clemency and becaming pure positive energy if you understood the reason. All you need to go to deep from surface to discover.

The taken lesson for me is ‘I have to accept them as they are and have to discover by myself. They are belong to me and nobody has responsible if they appeared in me’. I knew if I am able to do then I will have my prize. Because after all they can return to me as a gift with their pure energies to use.

My main mistake on this subject was to reflect my emotions/anger directly to on you. Stupidly, I awared while I was reflecting. Vomitted my worries and fury. Of course received doubts in same level. It is kind of paradox to continue to do same while you aware it is forbidden to do. (I think I was curious to meet the worsest results to mesure my having risk degree... and at the end I can see, it was sub sub sub subject to need to learn... really did not worth to push myself to the edge, add4.1.09)

So I complited my last step of transformation when the events shaked me after million times.

You are a perfect sample of a nice person in my mind. What I saw in you is complited personality, knows how to use energies, aware own values and the life.

This transfirming was kind of preparation for my future. There will be big bang when I awarded by my dream's realization and I should be ready to use my all enery to make the world more livable place(still dreaming, add 4.1.09). Now I beleive I needed to pass this transformation to get ready for next step. I was not ready to use my ability to transform.

Loose and to let down the people who trust you was possible and happened. But inspite everything, I knew I had to meet me inside again and again and it was first duty for me. I think in deep I was beleiving in you and your undertsandings. If you were not there, I could not ventured to take inside journey for to discover of my being.

Thank you …

Nursun,
Istanbul
01.12.2007, 20:30